westerling

I know I don't have a ton of people who read my journal, but in case this is of interest to anybody, the University of Massachusetts appears to be axing its support and space for the UMASS Science Fiction Society (I guess it's the UMass Manga, Games, and Science Fiction Library now), affectionately known as UMSFS (pronounced Ummzfuss)among students and alums. Apparently the university is also trying to get rid of the book collection as well.

As a nerd in the late 80s, I cannot tell you how much this space meant to me and my college experience. The library was open most of the time, hidden in the bowels of the Campus Center, and there were chairs and a gathering space where you could read, talk, play games, and hang out for as long as you wanted. I felt like I'd finally found my people after a really rough experience in high school and I made a number of friendships that lasted past college, and some that have lasted to the present day. It was a haven for a lot of us at that time, a smaller, trusted community within the gigantic sprawling thing that is UMass.

Years later, when my own son had grown up to be college age, I ran into some kids at an event, all of whom were about the same age as my kid, one of whom had an UMSFS tshirt on and I said, "UMSFS!! I used to belong to that in the 80s" and we had an instant connection. I even briefly felt like an honored elder, which was unexpected and hilarious and sweet. And we have seen each other at that event every year until COVID; I am always happy to see them and catch up with their lives.

So anyway, there's a petition to save the library and the community space, if anyone is inclined to sign it, it's here, and my nerdly thanks if you do:


https://www.change.org/p/university-of-massachusetts-amherst-administration-help-save-a-historic-student-library/c

Spring gold--different from autumn gold.

If you like bird song and electronic music, this is a really fun album, one of the best combinations of those two things I've heard. Also, pretty much anything by him hits me just right.

But I want to learn again. It's hard to start again, even though for my entire life I have always written. These last few years have been so painful and difficult for the country and now the last year and particularly the last few months have been painful and difficult personally as well. So I guess I'll start with this moment and see what happens and where I go.

Right now, I'm sitting with my father in his basement workshop, while he disassembles a battery charger that was delivered damaged last year. There is a lot of swearing. I'm writing this on my phone, which is awkward, and my function is to make sure that he doesn't fall down and to make sure he doesn't take apart something or do something down here that screws up the HVAC or the plumbing. A year ago, I would be at work now. 6 months ago, I would have just come back from a walk in time to cook dinner with my son and settle in for an evening of remote office work.

But in late September, the 21st to be exact, my father, who has been struggling with dementia but hadn't been too bad up until then (certainly not requiring more than my mother to look after him) took all of the meds in his morning pill box-a week's worth-in one go. And then spent a week in the hospital detoxing, which he doesn't remember at all, and then 3 weeks in rehab, which he does remember. Then he came home and I am now finding out what a lot of people have already been through: dementia is horrible. His memory isn't all that bad even, but his ability to reason any his frustration and anger are really difficult to deal with. My mother, who is introverted to an extreme, has had to have aides come in nearly 24 hours and even so she struggles to get enough sleep. I'm here covering gaps every day and covering overnights and daytimes when there are no workers, and everything in my life is upended. All of this is exacerbated by covid. First we couldn't get caregivers because of covid, then we did get some, but the risks, of course...On January 6th, my parents were exposed to a caregiver who tested positive a week later (the thing I had dreaded the most) and that turned into a shitshow culminating in me dragging all 3 of us to a testing facility last week. We were all negative and no one had symptoms but even so I don't recommend the experience. Around all of this, I'm trying to work (still remotely) and deal with the emotional strain. Lots of things I'm good at or terrible at have come into focus like a knife blade. And every day is a new and unpredictable set of circumstances that makes it very difficult to feel in control or useful or anything.

I know everyone is struggling with various things right now and civilized existence is much more unstable than it was a year ago, I'm just blowing off some steam and trying to start the process of going deeper, and writing is my best tool for that.

In the last few days, even in the short time for observations that I've had, I've seen:

A flock of chickadees very close by when we came home the other night. They were curious and seemed to want to interact. One buzzed right past my head.

The two crows that are often looking for bugs in the grass of the yard, that I suspect are a nesting pair, appear to have a nest in the understory of the chicken coop.

Two deer were having a munchfest in the yard yesterday, and one of them apparently got a little too close to somebody's nest, because I watched her get chased away by a tiny, very irate bird. Yes, an angry bird. The deer looked a little confusticated and beat a quick retreat.

There are still some peepers, but the lower froggy notes are starting to be present too.

Pretty sure I saw a Bal'more Oriole yesterday.

The apple trees are in bloom and it smells amazing in my yard. :)

I love this weather. It has been really feeling like spring, with still some chill in the air, but warm in the sun. There are even more colors than in the fall, with leaves budding out in so many colors and all the trees blossoming. It has been one of the most beautiful springs we've had in several years, and all the more special because for a while, when it began, I felt like it was unexpected, as though I did not know spring could come this year, as though they could take away spring. I didn't know I thought that until I found myself feeling surprised that we were still moving into summer, despite all of the chaos that is happening.

And these children
that you spit on
as they try to change their world
are immune to your consultation
they're quite aware
what they're going through...

Also, is it morally wrong to fry vegan sausages in butter? I don't care, just asking.

Have I squandered my vacation doing absolutely nothing but the bare minimum to keep things afloat? Or have I taken a deserved break from the constant badgering and shitpile that is adult life? Discuss.

I will have another week in August to either do something or do nothing.

We danced at the new Industrial Heritage Museum in Greenfield, today. Green River Tap and Die Molly Team, dancing for the history of Greenfield Tap and Die, one of the local industries that survived well into the 20th century and still exists in some form today.* The museum has a great spot in an old mill building, and there is a catwalk that stretches under the nearby bridge (that has a main road going over it). I walked on the catwalk! and I was not afraid. Which is something I might not have been able to do some years ago. The Green River was rushing beneath our feet, some twenty feet below and the catwalk was one of those that you can see through as you walk across. There was some spectacular graffiti as well, under that bridge, and all in all, I rather wish I had brought my camera.

*According to Wikipedia, "The largest tap and die company to exist in the United States was Greenfield Tap & Die (GTD) of Greenfield, Massachusetts. GTD was so irreplaceably vital to the Allied war effort from 1940-1945 that anti-aircraft guns were placed around its campus in anticipation of possible Axis air attack. The GTD brand is now a part of Widia Products Group." Additionally, if you actually want to know what taps and dies are, Wikipedia explains, "Taps and dies are cutting tools used to create screw threads, which is called threading. A tap is used to cut the female portion of the mating pair (e.g., a nut). A die is used to cut the male portion of the mating pair (e.g., a screw). The process of cutting threads using a tap is called tapping, whereas the process using a die is called threading. Both tools can be used to clean up a thread, which is called chasing." No giggling, please. And especially no giggling when you read further down the page and get to the part about bottoming taps.

There is a crocus geometer on my kitchen screen. It took me a while to figure out what it was, and that it wasn't a false-crocus geometer or a roufus geometer, and the internet isn't very helpful with details, but that does appear to be what it is.

It's sulphur yellow, so bright! I have never seen one before.