Bad Parent moment #589 (today)

Filling out survey about what parents want in a new school principal. Tempted to write:

If you want this choice position
Have a cheery disposition
Rosy cheeks, no warts!
Play games, all sorts
You must be kind, you must be witty
Very sweet and fairly pretty
Take us on outings, give us treats
Sing songs, bring sweets
Never be cross or cruel
Never give us castor oil or gruel
Love us as a son and daughter
And never smell of barley water
If you won't scold and dominate us
We will never give you cause to hate us...

OMG. Must. Put. Pen. Down.